What next...

I'm sorry, I have many more posts to put up and will likely do a projectile again at some point.

Firstly, I'd like to thank a few sponsors and people that have been detrimental to me completing this expedition successfully, without whom it surely would not have been a possible feat whether financially, physically or mentally:

BSES- for the training, organising and voluntary members that participated within my team (and not to mention massive discount at Cotswold)
Rab- for the special expedition discount on gear
Patagonia- for 40/50% discount they helped us out with
Montane- for all the gear and discount they gave me
Mountain Equipment- again for all the gear they've donated
Playstation- for sponsoring me a large amount of which I am eternally grateful for
Sean Kelly- for helping me with the PS sponsor and for being the most understanding boss in the world and for introducing me to David his lovely German friend that gave me photography tips.
Martin Hartley- the professional polar photographer and the top ten inspirational photographers of 2010 (and my personal inspiration) who tirelessly gave me photography tips and equipment advice specifically for the extreme environment in the arctic (www.martinhartley.com)
Jon Stratford- my personal training instructor at The Third Space for all the training he gave me.
My God children; Jamie and Alexia and their mother Jessica my great friend for keeping me going with their existance (and for understanding when I missed Alexia's first birthday of which I feel awful for but will make up for it now I'm back)
Vanessa and Lisa- for being there for me when times were tough and I had lost all hope, for telling things how they were and for making me laugh

I'm back now and had an incredible experience which I hope to share all of soon. But what next for me?

I love expedition life, the homey camaraderie feel and connection with the like-minded people you meet and to be honest I miss it... Yes, even not having the luxuries we take granted for everyday... A bit like loving the feel of a good old motor... I want to feel like I'm in control and feel it respond to me and that I'm driving it not like the luxuries we get from new motors nowadays where everything is automatically/electrically done for you... More chance of things going wrong too...more things to complain about. Simple is best!

I mentioned that I called our advanced base camp 'home' when I spotted its minute insignificance amongst the vastness of the landscape before me... What I'd neglected to mention was we had just bagged Fjellega summit and that I just had my only bout of vertigo on the trip... I had had Royal in my mind to search for the comfort I knew I could just reactively draw upon with just the thought of  that old bear...Wherever Royal came with me I was home... It didn't matter where we were, it could be in the gutter or an empty room, a dark scary alleyway or a piece of simple fabric under the stars-I'd still be home.  I've learnt that home doesn't have to be a materially physical place, just a mindset of where you are and who you are with...

For some people (or most people) home is the physical place they live, the family they left behind and they understandably miss that when they are away from it, for me home was where I took it... I had written that I'd let you know why I'm doing these things if I ever found out, I know now and it was to learn about myself and not let my life be shaped by what people expect your life to be, it's like aimlessly following the American dream, just because everyone wants it or had it, it doesn't mean you have to want it or have to be governed by it too...

Since coming back I've been living in my own bubble, everyone around me oblivious to what's out there, everyone talking about things that are minute in scale in comparison to the experiences I had endured... (and I'm not saying it was a difficult character building experience as some other things people do...but...) Does complaining about a slow train really help it be anymore faster, no.  Does complaining about the rain or weather make it rain less or be any warmer, no.   I love my bubble, please don't burst it!

Everyone is looking for something in life and for me I believe I had found it but lost it in a short space of time... What does one do when they've found what they are looking for but have lost it? Do they find something else to look for or do they keep looking and waiting on that same thing? I don't know the answer to that... I'm still waiting for a direction that may never come... I could be lost on the roofs of the world looking for what I'd found but at least i know that what I'm looking for exists and is possible and my hopes are all renewed from having it in my hands if only for a short time. I've learnt more about myself in that time than I had done in my whole life time and that's something to shout about and more importantly it had opened my eyes up for more, I'm a very grateful and lucky girl indeed and hope I can at least pass it on to people I meet.

Excuse the pun but it may seem like I'm living in the clouds... Maybe I am, but have you noticed how fast life is moving in front of you.  Have you ever asked yourself if you're doing or have done what you want to? Or has life got in the way of that? I've just woken up and in my spare time I know what I want to be doing!

For now I've learnt a new found freedom of heights thanks to a few key people in my life recently and I'm going to do whatever it takes test my abilities to it's potential and see what I've been missing out!  It's so weird how just a mere acknowledgment of my weakness and conquering it has led me to change my whole out look, I have an itch I can't satisfy now unless I somehow find my weakness again and if it means going higher and higher to look for it then so be it!  Who'd have guess a weakness can actually be a joy! 
North pole is still a dream away but added to this dream is now mountains...

My next mission is Mont Blanc, western Europe's highest peak! I can't quite believe only a mere 6 months ago I couldn't walk over Waterloo Bridge without feeling dizzy and now I'm planning on doing things I would never have dreamt of doing or even enjoy doing!!

Who knows perhaps my challenge after that should be the seven peaks... Highest point on each continent? Far fetched I know, but no man has achieved their dreams without taking his first steps and this August Mont Blanc summit is my first one...a small feat at 4810m I know but Mont Blanc has a special place in my heart and it wouldn't seem right if I didn't start with that one first... watch this space!

...and wish me luck x