BSES support

A tragedy happened last Friday whilst I was out of all news contact.  A polar bear had attacked the same expedition group i was with up in the Arctic circle and killed a member of the 12 man group and left two of the leaders in serious life changing conditions.

I'm deeply saddened and troubled by this as I not long ago just come back from the same trip.  I fully trust that BSES did everything they could in order to prevent such a tragedy...

The training we received prior to and during our expedition were drilled into us.  Bear flares, tripwires, rifles everything was taken seriously and we all were fluent in what we had to do should we encounter a polar bear.  No one should run, and sure enough in the case of this group the only people that ran were the people that were injured.  What would you do though if you were the leader of a group and the only way to save anyone was to get your rifle, you had to go really... credit to Michael for managing to get the rifle and shooting the bear whilst severely injured, I can only imagine what must have gone through his mind ro any one of their minds really...

I'm troubled and angered by some of the Norwegian authroities claiming that BSES did not do enough to prevent this from happening...in my opinion the whole trip was excellently organised and the leaders of our expeidtion and all expeditions as far as I was aware took every precaution to ensure bear safety. 

I will back BSES all the way on this one. 

Cham again!!

I attempted Mont Blanc last week... I didn't make it, or to be precise the
whole group didn't make it. But I've still had such a fantastic week that
it's still in my mind worth blogging about...

The skills I learnt whilst up in the arctic was substantial enough for me
to go without a guide for Mont Blanc as essentially it's just a very hard
long trek and not as technical as some of the other summits I'd bagged in
the arctic circle, however as mad as I am, I'm not one to play with fire so I decided to go
with a guided organisation.

So begins my search for a reputable organisation.
There are loads if you type in Mont Blanc guides in google, however I alway came back to one called Icicle a UK based company but with offices in Chamonix too.  As this was part of my training I got the cost reimbursed by the lovely BSES folks.  The price quoted catered for accomodation for the whole time there so we were able to leave our kit if need be without lugging it everywhere.  No other orginisation I looked at did this.  The reviews from past clients where also great, so I went with Icicle in the end.

Being back in Cham for a third time this year was great, the place is so different in the summer, both sides of the coins were shiny, which doesn't help with my itch to want to move out here.

I got out a few days early with a friend (an expereinced climber and mountaineerer) and we spent our time climbing at Les Gallians and Le Brevent the next day, both were enjoyable, the first day was more of an intro for me to outdoor climbing.  I wanted to get off the crag every now and again but the thought of "well there is no where else to go but up" got me through my climbs, I love that thrilling feeling and am utterly addicted to the adrenaline it gives me!

The Icicle offices were in the middle of Chamonix and were very easy to find. We moved straight into our dorms and met another friend from London.  Our first meeting with everyone was at the Monkey Bar just round the corner from the office.  On our Mont Blanc group there were 6 of us, all from different backgrounds, two of us from Playstation, one of them a Ryanair pilot (funnily scared of heights...), nice crowd.

The first day we had a day on the mer de glace glacier, learning stuff I already knew (crampon techniques, ice axe handling, crevasse rescue). Our French guide was utterly useless at finding out what experience we all had.  It was very apparent that only two of us had done anything of this sort before.  I might have been spoilt with great trainers and exceptional leaders over the past year, but c'mon... swearing at them in French doesn't help anyone learn...  The most challenging part of that day was climbing down ladders with no safety... the ladders were placed precariously along the whole height of the rock face..., one slip and that's it...

Look at it, that's about a third of the height!!  What I was most shocked at was the level of safety the French guide took.  The mentality is so different than from the UK. 

I survived the first day anyway but was mildly disappointed at the guiding we were provided.
The only thing I learned the first day was in our briefing that evening, when we were taught about ropes and how much weight one rope can take and what effects it has on the kit you use karabiner, belay device etc) when you work out the FF of a rope. 

The next day we were split into groups of 2, by experience I reckon.  We all travelled to Valley Blanche, were the Aguile Du Midi ridge was, that infamous ridge I was on back in March!  The other two groups did La Nical route, a simple walk up hill I was told.  My group with a new guide decided to attempt the Comic Ridge!  A route that took us back up to the cable car.

I've never been so scared in my life.  We were all in crampons and we used rope techniques to navigate the climbs and lowers.  There was a point where we had to climb a vertical wall with the tiniest of holes to fit the front two points of my crampons on.  There were times when only one point was possible and I just had to trust that it would take my weight!  The dodgiest part was when I had to climb over a ledge and then lower myself off this rock onto the smallest ledge, the trouble was I wasn't tall enough to stable one foot first so I had to lower both feet at the same time and hoped that I could feel the ledge, I shat my pants, but I made it laughing at how ridiculous the situation was.  A year ago I wouldn't climb a 30ft wall in my gym in a controlled environment.  Now I was hanging of a ledge with thoughsands of feet drop behind me... crazy girl, yes I am!

During the last few sections of the route I had to twist myself in a tight space where two of the rocks met, my rucksack with all my gear in was weighing me down and it was stuck... I had to perform such a dodgy move that I couldn't understand how all the climbers before me did it.  It was at this place where my karabiner holding my shiney new belay device and my purple sling fell from my harness, I had no idea how far it fell, but with the guide taut on my rope I couldn't go a see... gutted I had only bought that device a day ago in chamonix and I didn't even get a chance to abseil off it as what it was intended for.

We finished off by climbing up to the veiwing balcony where everyone in jeans and civilian clothes marvelled at our feat.  I felt 100 feet tall when I stepped onto that balcony knowing and seeing what I had just done... people admired us but I bet that didn't stop them thinking we were truly nuts.  We spent the rest of the day acclimatising there and waitingf or the other two groups who I presumed had to climb back up the Aguile Du Midi ridge... tough work at this altitude, give me Comic Ridge anyday!

My perfect day rounded off even better when a climber from a German group had found and picked up my belay device and sling... Wooo!!  Our guide was brilliant, no one can pronounce his name (Mauro), but he was patient, understanding and honest and I'd trust him to take me to Everest and back.

It was apparent to the guides that only myself and another could make Mont Blanc and the others were given a choice to do Mont Blanc knowing they may fail or Grand Paradiso an easier summit in Italy.  At dinner that evening the mood was subdued as most of the four did not know what to do.  We gave as much advice as possible and the next morning they all turned up to attempt Mont Blanc!

We attempted two hours of the Goutier trail before we turned back.  Mainly because of the weather, storm was setting in and torrential rain poured down temperamentally. The other reasons were due to a guide being stuck at the beginning of the cable ride due to the storms.  I had an awful stomach ache too so was a little glad to be turning back.  Not doing Mont Blanc didn't bother me too much as over the last few days I had been exposed to some awsome climbs and wouldn't mind doing more of that...

The group attamepted and made Grand Paradiso the next day, I stayed in the hut and nursed my stomach better... 

The trip rounded off nicely with another climb at L'Index a 3 hour route with two abseils....lovely!  Although no Mont Blanc, I will definietly attempt it again before the end of the year, which means Chamonix I will be back!

What next...

I'm sorry, I have many more posts to put up and will likely do a projectile again at some point.

Firstly, I'd like to thank a few sponsors and people that have been detrimental to me completing this expedition successfully, without whom it surely would not have been a possible feat whether financially, physically or mentally:

BSES- for the training, organising and voluntary members that participated within my team (and not to mention massive discount at Cotswold)
Rab- for the special expedition discount on gear
Patagonia- for 40/50% discount they helped us out with
Montane- for all the gear and discount they gave me
Mountain Equipment- again for all the gear they've donated
Playstation- for sponsoring me a large amount of which I am eternally grateful for
Sean Kelly- for helping me with the PS sponsor and for being the most understanding boss in the world and for introducing me to David his lovely German friend that gave me photography tips.
Martin Hartley- the professional polar photographer and the top ten inspirational photographers of 2010 (and my personal inspiration) who tirelessly gave me photography tips and equipment advice specifically for the extreme environment in the arctic (www.martinhartley.com)
Jon Stratford- my personal training instructor at The Third Space for all the training he gave me.
My God children; Jamie and Alexia and their mother Jessica my great friend for keeping me going with their existance (and for understanding when I missed Alexia's first birthday of which I feel awful for but will make up for it now I'm back)
Vanessa and Lisa- for being there for me when times were tough and I had lost all hope, for telling things how they were and for making me laugh

I'm back now and had an incredible experience which I hope to share all of soon. But what next for me?

I love expedition life, the homey camaraderie feel and connection with the like-minded people you meet and to be honest I miss it... Yes, even not having the luxuries we take granted for everyday... A bit like loving the feel of a good old motor... I want to feel like I'm in control and feel it respond to me and that I'm driving it not like the luxuries we get from new motors nowadays where everything is automatically/electrically done for you... More chance of things going wrong too...more things to complain about. Simple is best!

I mentioned that I called our advanced base camp 'home' when I spotted its minute insignificance amongst the vastness of the landscape before me... What I'd neglected to mention was we had just bagged Fjellega summit and that I just had my only bout of vertigo on the trip... I had had Royal in my mind to search for the comfort I knew I could just reactively draw upon with just the thought of  that old bear...Wherever Royal came with me I was home... It didn't matter where we were, it could be in the gutter or an empty room, a dark scary alleyway or a piece of simple fabric under the stars-I'd still be home.  I've learnt that home doesn't have to be a materially physical place, just a mindset of where you are and who you are with...

For some people (or most people) home is the physical place they live, the family they left behind and they understandably miss that when they are away from it, for me home was where I took it... I had written that I'd let you know why I'm doing these things if I ever found out, I know now and it was to learn about myself and not let my life be shaped by what people expect your life to be, it's like aimlessly following the American dream, just because everyone wants it or had it, it doesn't mean you have to want it or have to be governed by it too...

Since coming back I've been living in my own bubble, everyone around me oblivious to what's out there, everyone talking about things that are minute in scale in comparison to the experiences I had endured... (and I'm not saying it was a difficult character building experience as some other things people do...but...) Does complaining about a slow train really help it be anymore faster, no.  Does complaining about the rain or weather make it rain less or be any warmer, no.   I love my bubble, please don't burst it!

Everyone is looking for something in life and for me I believe I had found it but lost it in a short space of time... What does one do when they've found what they are looking for but have lost it? Do they find something else to look for or do they keep looking and waiting on that same thing? I don't know the answer to that... I'm still waiting for a direction that may never come... I could be lost on the roofs of the world looking for what I'd found but at least i know that what I'm looking for exists and is possible and my hopes are all renewed from having it in my hands if only for a short time. I've learnt more about myself in that time than I had done in my whole life time and that's something to shout about and more importantly it had opened my eyes up for more, I'm a very grateful and lucky girl indeed and hope I can at least pass it on to people I meet.

Excuse the pun but it may seem like I'm living in the clouds... Maybe I am, but have you noticed how fast life is moving in front of you.  Have you ever asked yourself if you're doing or have done what you want to? Or has life got in the way of that? I've just woken up and in my spare time I know what I want to be doing!

For now I've learnt a new found freedom of heights thanks to a few key people in my life recently and I'm going to do whatever it takes test my abilities to it's potential and see what I've been missing out!  It's so weird how just a mere acknowledgment of my weakness and conquering it has led me to change my whole out look, I have an itch I can't satisfy now unless I somehow find my weakness again and if it means going higher and higher to look for it then so be it!  Who'd have guess a weakness can actually be a joy! 
North pole is still a dream away but added to this dream is now mountains...

My next mission is Mont Blanc, western Europe's highest peak! I can't quite believe only a mere 6 months ago I couldn't walk over Waterloo Bridge without feeling dizzy and now I'm planning on doing things I would never have dreamt of doing or even enjoy doing!!

Who knows perhaps my challenge after that should be the seven peaks... Highest point on each continent? Far fetched I know, but no man has achieved their dreams without taking his first steps and this August Mont Blanc summit is my first one...a small feat at 4810m I know but Mont Blanc has a special place in my heart and it wouldn't seem right if I didn't start with that one first... watch this space!

...and wish me luck x

The Sound of...Blue Steel

I looked across at my companions and felt a surge of warmth for them, a previously unknown kinship with these people, these strangers, Theo, the pipe smoking historian of Svalbard, who says has a butler called Jeffery... (Though Henry and I think he's actually his imaginary friend...), Henry the Cadet and Sandhurst trooper, and also known affectionately as my Bergen buddy (believe me you need one, if you think you can lift a 12kg+ backpack on your back numerous times a day...think again!  It's not the weight it's the awkwardness of not trying to break or twist your back whilst swinging the darn thing over your shoulder!), finally Andrew the mountain leader (who seems born to be in the mountains, whilst the rest of us develops a nest of matted hair, chapped faces, and sharp pongs Andrew seems part of the element and will probably look the same no matter how long he stays out here), and also the anytime blue steel call uponer and outburster of sound of music sing-alongs...

All four of us from different backgrounds, yet all four of us brought together by this exped and just having completed the same summits... We noused it one (army term, used after mastering something), or ninja'd it...as the favourite term we used through our time here... (doing something with better efficiency than how it's meant to be done by the book - be it time or technique...).

After, the horseshoe victory we worked our route back down, where Theo found an unhappy Turtle which ran from him but miraculously turned into the happy pill it was meant to be way before reaching the bottom (the unhappy turtle is actually his helmet turned the wrong way on a slope and the happy
pill, well you can guess what that is...). We all childishly ran with him (the hiiiiiiiilllls are allive, with the soooound of....) and it felt great that we can express ourselves in ways I wouldn't dream of doing normally... The snow on a few parts of the mountain here was above my knee height in some places, so the trek back was more like climbing steep steps as getting out of them was more than annoying, after unroping I tried to navigate on neve, which is lovely hardened snow, hard to grip with crampons but lovely to the feel and at least guaranteed not having a hole chest height to climb out of at each step.  A few deers (female?) topped some of the higher ranges as we made our way across the frozen wastelands, they seem unphased by our presence.  Are we not intruding upon your land?  Do you not mind that we stain your perfectly white canvased view with our bold colours and thunderous chants?  We belonged, nature was telling us we belonged and it felt great!

The exhilaration of our success has rendered us exhausted, 9 hours in the field today and we still had to make it back to base camp! I suspect our plan to dig a snow cave to live in it for that night was out the window.

The rest of the two rope teams were already back having completed their objectives for the day.

I look at base camp, a place I had inadvertently called 'home' after viewing at it's insignificant size amongst the vastness of the arctic when on top of one of the peaks a few days ago. *Home*, something I haven't called anywhere for ages back in the UK... Strange how after a long hard day even a bit of plastic on snow can be known as 'home, to me. It's setting perfectly nested against the gentle rolling whiteness, like a big playground of wonderment, reminds me of being a kid again, so impossibly
tranquil and redolent of childhood innocence that I have misguided split feelings as on the other hand I couldn't quite equate them with my sweat ridden caked base layers and undismissable smell of yes-digestive biscuits ha - funny how laughing and crying at the same time... is laughable...

Yes, time for a shower! No, not that kind of shower. Yes when you're here for a certain amount of time, you tend to relate routines and objects out here to things back at home, as if to keep a bit of normality... A shower actually means wet wiping yourself. The kitchen area is the porch area of
the tent, the bathroom; a hole in the floor where our warm waste have melted the area till you can't see the bottom (nice), the garage; place to park our pulks etc etc... (some of myyyy favourite thingssss...)

Back to the shower; apart from Andrew, we were all faintly resembling the human beings we had been two weeks previously... no wet wipes will do, makes me pin for my cold shower I had resented all them days ago...

Hard to comprehend but full of admiration (and a little jealous) that some guys will be staying for a further 7 weeks!  It will be Auf Wiedersehen from me soon, and I will be sad to leave this place, a place I unknowingly called home...

Prologue - a snippet

I woke up today to the familiar sound of the next tents stove firing up...my daily alarm! I felt no pain, or was it that I felt pain everywhere that I could not pinpont an exact location of pain?  We had been pulking over distances and I'm beginning to think the ski's are permanently attached to my feet.  That was yesterday, today is today...

It wasn't an objective, just a landmark... Our work had been done and we're attempting to bag 3 summits today on Hallwylfillet range. The three summits form a 6k horseshoe ridge and our team of four were on our last summit.

Gone was the familiar comfort of my PT's motivating shouts, gone were the small bridges and low mountains I had trained on, memories of those seemed a life time ago and certainly a world away. Instead I'm left to my own voice in my head and my own search for courage and determination.

'Go Flo, you can do it'... Where did that come from?! It was me! I was hallucinating...? I was finally cracking bonkers...? Or somehow somewhere I had drawn on the ability to recreate the comfort I had so strongly depended on back home? I had desperately wished for it and finally on the most challenging task to date on this exped-I had found it...(At least I hope the latter is the reason and not the former two!).

I've hidden my 'fear of my returning vertigo' very well from my team and I'm proud of myself for all the feats we have conquered thus far... Pride, not something I often feel for myself, I made a mental note of doing this more if I made it out of here intact!

The ridge had drops of around 1000m either side and I could see some sections of the ridge were as narrow as 5m wide with massive cornices on either side. We knew they were massive from where the sun was and how the dark culprits of shadow lingered below the edges of the ridge. So the margin of safety ground we can set foot on is small as you can imagine. The potential for fun was incredible, the potential for fuck-up-immense...

We were about to master a technical section - a sheer drop down to the last section of the ridge before the final summit. For ridges if one should fall the normal procedure is for the other person to do a leap of faith THE OPPOSITE way off the ridge from the faller... Errr helllo... Purposely throwing myself off a ridge...? Fun!!

However for this ridge we decided on ice axe arrests...We were all roped together before the ascent and all masters in practising the ice axe arrests should any one fall. Doing it for real I hope we'll never do but
it was constantly at the front of my mind, drop and stab your axe in! Drop and stab your axe...raaawr - can I feel anymore savage and ferral than I already am after being in the white wilderness for the last two weeks?

My PT when coaching me of getting over my vertigo told me to concentrate on something else I enjoy, like photography, my camera was my pillar and safety net, something to look through and hold onto to should my vertigo jump me from behind... It's been with me everywhere here and will continue to be as long as need it.

I looked out at the view...the view... am I beginning to take it for granted now being out here for so many days? No! I don't think I'll ever acclimatise to this magnificent existence (nor would I want to if it was down to choice), I know this now...no photographer can do this place justice... The eyes are simply not enough to absorb the full extent of what it's like out here, you have to feel it, you have to share it with companions and their sun blushed faces, you have to feel deserving for it, it can't just be dropped on your lap(...top) as a photograph... That's only a minute fraction of the experience... It's a shame as the photographer I'm troubled I can't relay all the thoughts and feelings experienced here, for one they are uncontrollable, I can hardly contain them like a jack in the box... If I knew my companions better I'd be bursting out with shouts of amazement and awe, but I refrained from looking completely unhinged (I hope I succeeded...). I can only show you what I see... It's truly *not* enough...sorry to disappoint...

Time to ninja this ridge...

Remember...

...to read from the bottom up if you are catching up on my blogs...., there's also older posts as well from March, full link is here: 

http://florencekay.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2011-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-08%3A00&updated-max=2012-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=13

 

! 

Enjoy xx

This is it...

Well it's tomorrow a few of us are flying out to join the team...I've rechecked my gear, picked up last bits and fully packed now...I think this will be my last post.  I'm not sure if I will have the ability to post when I'm out there, we only have emergency satelite phones.. for emergencies... so chances are small... but rest assured that I will continue to write my blog out there and will repost when I get back...I will be bringing a mascot with me but you'll have to wait to see which one I bring...

I actually wrote the post "Ressurection of the Royal(s)" a week and a half ago...

I've come to realise that although it was Royal that gave me the courage. strength and sheer determination to carry on it was something that was taught rather than given and it was all in the mind he was just a medium and allowed this to be opened to me.

I'm off tomorrow and I know I can do this myself, I know Royal's out there somewhere but he taught me to believe in myself, and I do, I have him to thank for it (**thank-you** Royal) but ultimately as messed up as this is in my head I do know that it's me that I believe in and I know I don't need someone to tell me I have it in me and that I can do it... sometimes it's nice that's all...

I'm finally mentally there, I'd never thought I'd get here but I am, there's no barriers for expectations and no doubts about my ability, I'm so glad I'm getting to prove this over the next few weeks... not many people do or get to because life gets in the way and it's a sad sad thought. 

I hope friends and family, God-son (Jamie) and God-daughter (Alexia) and who ever reading this can have the comfort to know that anything is possible and it's certainly never too late to do something you've always wanted to do, go get up and do it! If you don't expect then you won't have any surprises, but sometimes ... just sometimes, expecting something shapes your adventures and although I'm still unsure what to expect, I am sure ready to see what will be thrown at me out there.

Unlimited adventure lies out there for me and for all of us, waiting to be mapped out and explored...and I certainly can not possibly wait to embark on mine, when will yours be??

''Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.''

Mark Twain via Royal.