Preparation and packing!

So I'm preparing for the expedition, but how prepared am I?! All the kit and physical things I have to bring are finally sorted aside from a few bits and pieces! I had to eat into my savings but aside from that I'm ready with my kit. But what about the rest of it...sure there's training and although I'll never ever think I've trained enough I think I've come a long way from when I started.

Take my vertigo, I couldn't walk across waterloo bridge without feeling the need to jump over it a few months back... I've started walking over it again recently and all I have are memories of how I felt, I feel fine looking over the edge and no feeling of being drawn to jumping. Blessing or not I don't know. Someone once told me jealously that I was lucky to feel that way and I suppose I was but I only realise that now and and miss it somewhat... I loved the exhilaration and head rush it gave me (not so much the nose bleeds...). I know it doesn't sound like much and it sounds weak but i couldn't help feeling that way and it was something i hardly admitted to anyone (aside from when it hit me on Mount Sinaii with two of my friends who watched me climb up effortlessly only to come down the whole way on my arse, now that I could not hide (not cos I had a big arse (!) but my feeling of being drawn to the edge was very apparent!!)). Nevertheless, a bridge and a mountain are totally different and I know I still have a long way to go judging from how I was in Chamonix.

What else do I have to be prepared for...? The rest of the stuff I'd have to deal with when I'm there as there is no way of preparing for it, unless I'm very creative. But I haven't been creative, I've had no time to be creative... I don't know if you've ever let someone down, got your ass kicked, or straight up failed. But those are the moments that define us. They push you further than you've ever thought possible and force you to make choices, no matter what the cost. These are the moments I know I'm going to be up against out there and I have mixed feelings about that. I like the comfort of my own little bubble and yes sometimes I do crazy things and step out of that, but only because I still know that it won't last long or it's only a 'moment'...I'm going to be out there for a good few weeks, so if it goes wrong, it's going to go WRONG!

These are the things I can think of that I'd have to get used to:

24hour daylight Yes at the time we're going, the sun will never set! How odd will that be. I only worry about sleep at this time and gutted i might miss the Northern Lights but aside from that I'm hoping it won't affect me that much? How hard can it be? I have my trusty eye mask with me so perhaps I can try sleeping during the day and practicing with that?

Extreme cold I saw some photos of previous teams that went out there, temperatures hit a low of -31 degrees and that's not even taking into account the wind shield factor! Peoples hair were rock hard and froze up, hell even at -5 in Chamonix the rope we were tied to was like a stick-what will -30+ be? There is no way of preparring for this apart from kit, unless I go and live in a freezer for a bit. Somehow I don't think that would be wise....

6000 calories a day Partly due to the cold and how your body will try it's best to warm you up and mostly because of the sheer demand of working we'd be doing on the snow/ice.... I'll be using up a hell of a lot of energy! So our ration packs for the day includes 6000 calories… that’s 3 times the recommended amount a day for females… so this loosing and using up energy better work or I will come back needing the gym more than ever…! Our ration packs roughly contain the following per day: bag of porridge, 2 bars of chocolate, 2 flapjacks, biscuits, jam and cheese, freeze dried dinner and a pudding… I’m bringing a few things with me… my PTI Jon has done this before and I asked him what was the one thing he craved… “sweets” was what he said and Jelly babies are great, so I mustn’t forget to stock up on sweets for my adventure…!
Exhaustion
I’ve been ill running up to the departure for this trip and I’m constantly nervous that it will affect my performance out there. I’m a lot better now but with a few days to go and no training done whilst being in bed it’s a hit or miss if I’ll be able to be as fit as I should be… We will be pulling pulks 6/8 hours a day dependant on weather conditions so exhaustion is a major factor for this kind of expedition… I’m hoping the training that I have done before I became ill is enough to help me prepare for this. Somehow I don’t think so, but we will see…

Tent living
Yes, being in the middle of nowhere is great, and we will be living in tents for the whole of the expedition. The most I’ve done is 7 days in a tent and even then it was a campsite with electricity and running showers and toilets… We will have none of that there (yes Lisa, I can’t just check myself into a hotel there…!), we have to dig holes for toilets and take all the rubbish with us… girls have to use some thing called a shepee (hehe), I’ll leave it up to your imaginations what that could be… no showers means copious amounts of wet wipes and merino wear is a must… It will certainly be an experience and I’m sure I will not be able to wait to get back to Longy wear we have packed our luxuries for that one shower we will get before boarding the plane back (I’m sure they will not let us get on the plane in the state we will be in?). I could prepare for this by not showering for a while or peeing in bottles from now… but I’m sure that will go down well at work and around friends/family… I’m pretty sure I will have none of those left if I did… so unfortunately this is something I will just have to jump into the deep end at as it were… fun!

Kit
I’ve been over and over my kit list and there are a lot of stuff to bring… stuff I vowed I will use again! I recently got all my kit and laid it out on the floor and I’m baffled at how I will be able to fit this all into a 100L duffle…

I ended up getting a 140L duffle and I spent hours trying to get everything sorted into colour coordinated dry sacks and had numerous attempts at fitting things in different places.  'Start stuffing stuff and using up all space from the momet you start packing' says Andrew... okay I'm trying but this is the best I can do right now and there's still stuff left over!! Grrrr, time to call the team and see if they have the same problem... Henry does yes!  Shall we wear our big plastic Scarpa boots on the plane, we don't know... is it a security risk to have such big boots.... we don't know...  back to square one again for packing....

Time to pull stuff out and see what is absolutely necessary. My leader said that if all my stuff doesn’t fit into a 100L duffle you are either bringing too much or you are packing wrong. I really hope it’s the latter…as I can’t see what I can take out without hampering the expedition…

With the kit buying and training I believe physically and materially I’m all done and prepared, I just have to finalise myself mentally now… I won’t lie I think I am only almost there, but not quite, I’m content at what the expedition involves and what it requires for me, it will be a trip of a lifetime and something I hope I’ll never forget… but I think in all situations like this I’ll always have doubts, maybe to protect myself from disappointment, is that the wrong way to go about it? I don’t know. Whichever, I am truly excited now, a few more days to go!